Coaching Session: Overcoming Shyness

For those who feel like their shy tendencies are holding them back in life, or are keeping them from moving towards their goals, this article will help you to gain an understanding and an awareness that will allow you to make some adjustments in your life to best suit you on the journey ahead.

First, we must understand where shyness originates.

Why am I feeling shy?

Though it is not the same for everyone, there is an overlying pattern that may help to explain shyness. Those who are experiencing shyness – and I say “experiencing shyness” rather than those who ARE shy because it is simply an emotional state. You are not stuck with it, it isn't who you are. It is not like saying, “you are tall.” You are simply feeling shy – are either uncertain about themselves or uncertain about how others perceive them.

If you can relate to that sort of a feeling in certain situations, then there may have been an experience in your past, whether rejection or judgment, that has pushed you in the direction of feeling shy in similar situations. What is important is not what specifically caused you to live in a state of shyness, rather, what is important is finding tools which will give you the freedom to choose not to feel shy.

What can I do about it?

When I coach people on this situation, I recommend that they get a notebook and take a few minutes of personal time to be honest with themselves and to answer the following questions:

-Who am I?

-What do I believe? What do I stand for?

-What am I great at? What am I proud of?

-What is important to me?

Answering these questions will help you to develop an understanding of your personal identity, as well as acknowledging who YOU are and the greatness you hold inside.

The next part will depend on how bad you want to make these changes in your life. Next, you must actively own everything you've just answered above. This means to embody it and to live it. It's all about walking the talk. Once you are certain about who YOU are, it makes it a whole lot easier to live as that person each and everyday.

And lastly, remember that your self-perception is much more important and much more powerful than the perception others have of you.  Believe it or not, you emanate exactly what you are feeling about yourself. If you go into a situation feeling self-conscious or insecure, others will see that. If you go into a situation feeling confident and excited, they too will see that. Treat yourself with the utmost respect and give yourself every opportunity simply by being certain and proud of who you are.

Change takes risk, that means living outside of your comfort zone. It may be difficult at first, but soon it will become natural. Trust yourself, believe in yourself, and shine!

Let your Resourcefulness & Creativity Thrive

Resourcefulness: ability to act effectively or imaginatively with what is available

Creativity: the ability to transcend traditional ideas, rules, patterns, relationships, or the like, and to create meaningful new ideas, forms, methods, interpretations, etc.; originality, progressiveness, or imagination

These tools are extremely vital elements to success. Whether success is happiness, fulfillment, financial stability, fame, contribution, what ever it is, it will be made even more possible if you embrace being resourceful and being creative.

What do you have in your life NOW? What can you do, that may not be obvious or common, to find results NOW?

How can your current path be made even more so enjoyable? What meanings can you give to everyday events that serve you and others?

Imaginative was mentioned in both definitions, referring to your imagination, or that which is not (yet). What else could we call this? Our VISION! Our DREAM! That vision must be believed in and opportunities must be created for that vision to be actualized. It is only ourselves who can create those opportunities and find in the everyday usual circumstances, the extraordinary and imaginiative ways to make it happen!

What are the Resources you have available to you right now that will move you one step closer to realizing that dream? How can you come up with more ways to embark on your mission?

When it is about striving to succeed rather than striving to not fail, the results produced will be drastically different.  Though it may seem like the intention is the same, striving to succeed provides solutions and stepping stones to move forward whereas striving to not fail focuses on the challenges and staying safe yet stagnant. It is the diffence between fight and flight. Will the adversitybe faced? Will the obstacles be overcome? Or will they be avoided and ignored?

In times of scarcity, resourcefulness is called to action. In times of boredom, creativity is called to life.

What do you have available in your life right now that, using resourcefullness and creativity, that can be a very powerful tool in making progress on your dreams?

Alexandra Cooper

Youth Coach & Author of "So What?!"

The Missing Piece: AUTHENTICITY

The eternal vault carrying answers to all of our questions. Yes, Google. Try this out.

Google: "The key to success"

What comes up? A plethora of buzz words including; Attitude, Determination, Preparation, Positive-Thinking and Experience.

You will find dozens of articles articulately outlining who you must be, what you must do and how you must act in order to have the success that you desire.

Those  things may create success, but if you ask me, it seems like a lot of work towards changing who you are in order to succeed at a par level. Is that the kind of success you are looking for?

A vital aspect of creating the success you’re really looking for is often times left out of the articles and search results that you come across. This missing piece is AUTHENTICITY.

While the more common “keys” will surely help you to achieve some level of success, its depth and consistency are far less than the success created by using the power of YOU.

Authenticity involves a lot less effort and a lot more ease than the other “keys” to success. Being authentic is all about BEING, really, that’s it!

Success is different for everyone and one thing you will find is that Authenticity will serve you in your personal and professional journeys.

We’ve all heard of rapport, it’s absolutely vital for rapport to be present with clients, coworkers, friends, classmates, agents, etc.  Being authentic is an incredibly quick way to gain rapport with anyone. Rapport built on falsehood will only last so long, whereas rapport built on truth creates a lasting foundation.

I’ve found that I am more inclined to listen to a salesperson or a promoter if I feel they are really getting to know me or have a real interest in whether or not I need that 2-for-1 Shamwow deal, rather than just speaking to me simply to increase their sales.

So whether you work with people, date people, sell to people or interact with people in any way or form, remember that missing key to boundless success: Authenticity.

Spend more time living as you and less time worrying about being who everyone else wants you to be and you’ll see, that as surprising as it may be, you will be consistently discovering who you are and what you are all about. Live congruently with who you are and you will see an abundant increase of success falling into place in your life.

Alexandra Cooper

Youth Coach & Author of "So What?!"