Getting What You Want in Times of Adversity

There are some trends in our current global economic state, trends that not only effect “grown ups” but also young people and teens. Rates of unemployment are up and yet cost of living seems to keep increasing. Opportunities to pursue higher education are made more difficult with less funding and scholarships available. These can all seem rather discouraging when you’ve got a clear vision for what you want to have in life.

I have a few tips to help you work through these challenges and stay on course towards the things you want in life, whether it’s going to university, getting a job or living independently.

CLARITY: Having a vision and having goals is a vital first step in this process of overcoming adversity. Having clarity in your vision and goals is what will set you apart from every other person that simply says “I want a job.” It’s about knowing exactly what you want, for example, having that laser focus on what universities you want to attend and what degrees you want to pursue.  Clarity causes a ripple effect of success. Clarity creates certainty. Once you know exactly what you want, you are Certain you will make it happen, it has become a MUST. Once you have that certainty that you can make it happen, you gain Confidence to move forward and take a proactive step in your progress.

Clarity --> Certainty --> Confidence

What can you do today to move yourself closer to being accepted into that university or towards saving up more money to pay for your courses? There is always a way, it’s about living In Action, rather than in Reaction.

ACTION: Once you’ve gotten that amazing vision and certainty that it will happen and the confidence to make it happen, it’s time to take Action! Often times people fall victim to the adversities they are faced with. Have you ever heard someone say, “There are no jobs available, I might as well not even apply or look for a job.” That’s simply an excuse to have low standards. And if you are here visiting this website, then you are not a low standard kind of person! 

If you want a job, no matter how bad the economy is, you must take action. Set mini-goals to get you to that ultimate outcome. How many places will you apply to this weekend? How will you set yourself apart from the other applicants? Will you seek a mentor to help you with interviews and your resume? Will you start networking with the people you know to see what opportunities are available? These are all steps that you can take that most people won’t. If you have the clarity about what you want, you will stop at nothing to make it a reality. 

COMMITMENT: When things aren’t handed to us, but instead demand hard work, we are tested on how much we really want to achieve something. This is when you are called upon to be committed to your vision. Things may not always come easy, things may take time and there may be situations of rejection. But what sets you apart from other people who are seeking opportunities is your level of commitment. It’s about growth and movement, not stagnancy. You will continue to try, you will continue to act, you will continue to believe. If you are committed to getting into that top university, you will do what it takes to make it happen. Commitment is what sets that people with clarity apart from those with doubt. Which path do you want to be on? The one headed somewhere you want to go, or the one headed nowhere in particular?

In the end, when you have a vision, a really exciting vision, you will stop at nothing to make it happen.  Step up and Stand out! 

How will you be the shining star? How will you achieve your goals? How will you live your life with the highest standards? 

Authenticity vs. Selfishness

How the Quest for Authenticity Can Get in the Way

Authenticity is a conundrum. It’s a cool new fad, and yet something completely necessary to living a happy and fulfilled life. But it can backfire. I suppose anything not completely understood, when used in the wrong way can backfire on us eventually. 

To best understand how it most commonly backfires, let me paint you a picture. Or rather, let’s repaint a picture you probably already have, as every single one of us has encountered this person at some point. You walk into the doctor’s office, or the coffee shop, or the dry cleaner, and the person there to greet you is cold, stiff, and seemingly rude or uncaring. They don’t smile at you, and barely acknowledge you enough to give you the service you need. And all of a sudden, if you’re the kind of person that needs connection, you no longer want to see the doctor, or drink that cup of coffee, or go back to that dry cleaner again. I’ve worked with many business owners who become frustrated by having an employee with this demeanor, but don’t know what to do as they fear asking the employee to become inauthentic by asking them to smile or connect with the customers.

But why isn’t asking someone to open up a little not the same thing as asking them to leave their authentic selves behind? Because the common misconception about authenticity is that it means grabbing hold of everything you know yourself to be, and expressing it at the mercy of others and their needs. Insert loud angry buzzing sound here, because that’s where people go wrong! 

Authenticity does mean learning about yourself, your needs, your desires, and what fulfills you - but it also means opening your heart enough to be able to be that person while also meeting others where they’re at. To be truly successful at living an authentic life, we must become just as aware of others and their needs from us, as we are self-aware. The self-awareness is still of primary importance, the the awareness of others is like the glue that holds our authenticity together. Without it, it’s just a hollow, self-absorbed mess.

What does this look like in our example of the person greeting you at the front desk or the doctors office or coffee shop counter? It doesn’t look like turning the person into an overly joyful smiley-happy shining elf of joy. It simply looks like them deciding to open their heart just enough so that they can connect with others. It may not even involve smiling - just letting down their wall just enough so that they can still be true to themselves, while also providing their customers and community with the connection they crave.

So the next time you become aware of rubbing someone the wrong way, ask yourself where the line between your authenticity and their needs lies, and consider adding their needs into your authenticity when interacting with them. How cool would it be to live in a world where we get to be ourselves and make others happy no matter the relationship or scenario?

Jordanna Eyre is a Self-Love Coach and founder of  www.YouAreWhole.com 

Coaching Session: Overcoming Shyness

For those who feel like their shy tendencies are holding them back in life, or are keeping them from moving towards their goals, this article will help you to gain an understanding and an awareness that will allow you to make some adjustments in your life to best suit you on the journey ahead.

First, we must understand where shyness originates.

Why am I feeling shy?

Though it is not the same for everyone, there is an overlying pattern that may help to explain shyness. Those who are experiencing shyness – and I say “experiencing shyness” rather than those who ARE shy because it is simply an emotional state. You are not stuck with it, it isn't who you are. It is not like saying, “you are tall.” You are simply feeling shy – are either uncertain about themselves or uncertain about how others perceive them.

If you can relate to that sort of a feeling in certain situations, then there may have been an experience in your past, whether rejection or judgment, that has pushed you in the direction of feeling shy in similar situations. What is important is not what specifically caused you to live in a state of shyness, rather, what is important is finding tools which will give you the freedom to choose not to feel shy.

What can I do about it?

When I coach people on this situation, I recommend that they get a notebook and take a few minutes of personal time to be honest with themselves and to answer the following questions:

-Who am I?

-What do I believe? What do I stand for?

-What am I great at? What am I proud of?

-What is important to me?

Answering these questions will help you to develop an understanding of your personal identity, as well as acknowledging who YOU are and the greatness you hold inside.

The next part will depend on how bad you want to make these changes in your life. Next, you must actively own everything you've just answered above. This means to embody it and to live it. It's all about walking the talk. Once you are certain about who YOU are, it makes it a whole lot easier to live as that person each and everyday.

And lastly, remember that your self-perception is much more important and much more powerful than the perception others have of you.  Believe it or not, you emanate exactly what you are feeling about yourself. If you go into a situation feeling self-conscious or insecure, others will see that. If you go into a situation feeling confident and excited, they too will see that. Treat yourself with the utmost respect and give yourself every opportunity simply by being certain and proud of who you are.

Change takes risk, that means living outside of your comfort zone. It may be difficult at first, but soon it will become natural. Trust yourself, believe in yourself, and shine!

The Missing Piece: AUTHENTICITY

The eternal vault carrying answers to all of our questions. Yes, Google. Try this out.

Google: "The key to success"

What comes up? A plethora of buzz words including; Attitude, Determination, Preparation, Positive-Thinking and Experience.

You will find dozens of articles articulately outlining who you must be, what you must do and how you must act in order to have the success that you desire.

Those  things may create success, but if you ask me, it seems like a lot of work towards changing who you are in order to succeed at a par level. Is that the kind of success you are looking for?

A vital aspect of creating the success you’re really looking for is often times left out of the articles and search results that you come across. This missing piece is AUTHENTICITY.

While the more common “keys” will surely help you to achieve some level of success, its depth and consistency are far less than the success created by using the power of YOU.

Authenticity involves a lot less effort and a lot more ease than the other “keys” to success. Being authentic is all about BEING, really, that’s it!

Success is different for everyone and one thing you will find is that Authenticity will serve you in your personal and professional journeys.

We’ve all heard of rapport, it’s absolutely vital for rapport to be present with clients, coworkers, friends, classmates, agents, etc.  Being authentic is an incredibly quick way to gain rapport with anyone. Rapport built on falsehood will only last so long, whereas rapport built on truth creates a lasting foundation.

I’ve found that I am more inclined to listen to a salesperson or a promoter if I feel they are really getting to know me or have a real interest in whether or not I need that 2-for-1 Shamwow deal, rather than just speaking to me simply to increase their sales.

So whether you work with people, date people, sell to people or interact with people in any way or form, remember that missing key to boundless success: Authenticity.

Spend more time living as you and less time worrying about being who everyone else wants you to be and you’ll see, that as surprising as it may be, you will be consistently discovering who you are and what you are all about. Live congruently with who you are and you will see an abundant increase of success falling into place in your life.

Alexandra Cooper

Youth Coach & Author of "So What?!"