Coaching Session: Overcoming Shyness


For those who feel like their shy tendencies are holding them back in life, or are keeping them from moving towards their goals, this article will help you to gain an understanding and an awareness that will allow you to make some adjustments in your life to best suit you on the journey ahead.

First, we must understand where shyness originates.

Why am I feeling shy?

Though it is not the same for everyone, there is an overlying pattern that may help to explain shyness. Those who are experiencing shyness – and I say “experiencing shyness” rather than those who ARE shy because it is simply an emotional state. You are not stuck with it, it isn't who you are. It is not like saying, “you are tall.” You are simply feeling shy – are either uncertain about themselves or uncertain about how others perceive them.

If you can relate to that sort of a feeling in certain situations, then there may have been an experience in your past, whether rejection or judgment, that has pushed you in the direction of feeling shy in similar situations. What is important is not what specifically caused you to live in a state of shyness, rather, what is important is finding tools which will give you the freedom to choose not to feel shy.

What can I do about it?

When I coach people on this situation, I recommend that they get a notebook and take a few minutes of personal time to be honest with themselves and to answer the following questions:

-Who am I?

-What do I believe? What do I stand for?

-What am I great at? What am I proud of?

-What is important to me?

Answering these questions will help you to develop an understanding of your personal identity, as well as acknowledging who YOU are and the greatness you hold inside.

The next part will depend on how bad you want to make these changes in your life. Next, you must actively own everything you've just answered above. This means to embody it and to live it. It's all about walking the talk. Once you are certain about who YOU are, it makes it a whole lot easier to live as that person each and everyday.

And lastly, remember that your self-perception is much more important and much more powerful than the perception others have of you.  Believe it or not, you emanate exactly what you are feeling about yourself. If you go into a situation feeling self-conscious or insecure, others will see that. If you go into a situation feeling confident and excited, they too will see that. Treat yourself with the utmost respect and give yourself every opportunity simply by being certain and proud of who you are.

Change takes risk, that means living outside of your comfort zone. It may be difficult at first, but soon it will become natural. Trust yourself, believe in yourself, and shine!



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