Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change
After shooting one of my recent TV interviews, I had a chance to visit with one of my very dear friends, Melanie Coffin. While we were talking, she shared a new distinction with me that was so incredibly good, I had to share it with you. Although I have taken some liberties to embellish it and put my own spin on it, I want to thank her for the inspiration.
If I could give you just one, single tip that has the power to give you the relationship you truly deserve, it would be to truly focus on developing your appreciative eye – while giving your critical eye what may just be, a very well-deserved rest.
Take A Look At This
Imagine yourself going to a house party where the evening was perfect. All of your favorite people, dear friends and loved ones have been invited. As you enter the party, you are warmly welcomed with open and loving arms.
The house is exquisitely decorated, comfortably furnished throughout and immaculately clean. You even think you detect the faint aroma of vanilla in the air...a mouth-watering reminder that dessert will soon be ready. In between socializing and laughing the night away, you sample some of the most delicious, festive and freshly-prepared gourmet foods.
All of your closest friends are there and the new people you’re meeting are entertaining and delightful company. Before you know it, it’s time to leave because everyone knows that time flies when you’re having fun. As you pass by the hostess on your way out the door, you thank her for being such a gracious host and praise her very beautiful home. That’s the appreciative eye at work.
Now Take Another Look
Now imagine yourself visiting the same house a week later. The only difference is – this time you’re on a walk-through because you’re considering buying it.
Even though you have some delightful and cherished memories of your previous visit...this time, you begin to notice some things you overlooked on your last visit. That gorgeous bay window that showcases the beautiful, panoramic view actually has a broken blind.
Upon closer inspection, there’s a settlement crack on the dining room ceiling. As you stroll through the hall, you realize the carpet is a little worn from years of steady traffic. That beautiful breakfast nook? Turns out the paint is faded from the bright afternoon sun and you hadn’t noticed it previously.
In fact, you notice that the more you look, the less you like the place...even though you walked in with a good feeling about it. So why is it that we seize on every flaw, real or imagined when we’re considering buying it...instead of just enjoying it? That’s the way the critical eye works.
What Can We Learn From This?
Unfortunately, we do the same thing to people...with devastating results. As a Relationship Coach, I see it every day. We tend to put people on the pedestal or in the pit and sometimes, it doesn’t take all that much to make it from one place to the other.
If you really want to give yourself a perspective check, the next time you’re starting to get angry or really frustrated with someone, ask yourself if this would really matter if they had a terminal illness with a limited time on this earth. As long as you’re asking that question anyway, maybe I should remind you that we all have a limited time on this earth...and sometimes that time is unexpectedly cut short without warning.
One Final Secret
Remember: what’s wrong is always available...and where focus goes, energy flows. Look for what’s great and you will always find it. Look for what’s wrong...and you’ll always find that, too.
I’ve had some incredible results and huge transformations for my clients over the years and it’s primarily because of this one secret I’m about to give you...again. I see the greatness in others, even when they themselves don’t see it. Feel free to give that a try and you just might be surprised how often people respond to that kind of grace in magnificent ways.
Dave Elliott is A Relationship Coach and the founder of Legendary Love For Life. Check out his site at www.legendaryloveforlife.com