New Years Eve is a time for new beginnings...so when do you finally walk away “for good?”
As a Relationship Coach, I spend a great deal of time helping people repair and restore relationships and it gives me a great deal of satisfaction. Oftentimes, some new distinctions and coaching can make all the difference in the world with two people who are committed to making it work – but that is not always the case. Some couples just don’t have the ability or desire to succeed and you will always find yourself frustrated when you settle for less than you deserve or argue with what is, rather than take back your power to change it.
With that in mind, today, I have a “first” for you. I have a guest writer for you who just happens to be one of my star clients, Jen. I say that because the transformation in her since we worked together has been simply breathtaking...but I’ll let her tell you about it. The reason Jen is writing most of this instead of me is because it’s her story and she lived it...emphasis on the past tense. So as you prepare for another new year filled with new possibilities...if your relationship is truly beyond repair, when do you just walk away “for good?” Let’s hear from Jen:
The Art of Letting Go...It’s Not Always Pretty
This is an open invitation to all those who can’t let go of a relationship that is not meeting your needs...just let it go. Walk away. Scram. Skee-daddle. Mosey on down the highway. It ain’t worth it and something much better is just around the corner...just out of sight.
I first met Dave Elliott during the withdrawal phase of a very serious relationship. I was unhappy and had lost my usual passion for life. A few short years prior, I had been engaged to a wonderful man. I LOVED him deeply. I was ready, willing and able to love, compromise, and make a beautiful life together. Then, we started talking about the tough stuff...you know, the stuff that’s really important to talk about BEFORE you get married...finances, children, goals for the future. During these discussions, it became abundantly clear to me that although he loved me, he was not even close to compromising or building a life together based on what we both wanted.
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
So, for once in my life, I put my needs first, realizing that I could never be truly happy if I weren’t true to myself, and I ended the engagement. I was heartbroken. I kept thinking HE would change his mind, understand, see my point of view, be willing to open up and compromise. So, for THREE years, I tried to forget him and move on, but all the while I held out hope that eventually we would make it work. We did get back together a few times during those three years and I TRIED, I really tried. The rest of the time, although we weren’t together, I really wasn’t available for another relationship. I was only half present because I never let go.
That is, until I began working with Dave. Dave helped me get in touch with my feminine side, to understand the languages of love, to open up and allow a man to truly love me. Believe me; not an easy task for a woman who grew up on the streets. Did I let go then? NOOOOOO, I had to try one more time with Mr. Wonderful and guess what? We still didn’t work, but at that point I knew it wasn’t because I didn’t try and it wasn’t because I was an unloving partner. Bummer. I knew then that I needed to truly let go and walk away. It was heart-wrenching to finally end the relationship and let go entirely. I cried myself to sleep several nights.
The Happy Ending
But, that’s not the end of the story. There has to be a happy ending...right??? Once I made space in my life for a real relationship. BOOM. One happened. A few short months later, I met and fell in love with an absolutely amazing man. We are now engaged, have had all of the tough conversations, and are on track to be married next year. He’s everything I ever needed in a man...and guess what???? He speaks my language of love. He understands what I need to feel loved and he provides it constantly. I never knew that a man like him could ever exist. I am a truly blessed woman and will do whatever I can to make him a truly happy man. How awesome is that????
And, to have all this wonderful happiness, first, I had to let go of a relationship that wasn’t working and was never going to meet my needs. If I had only known then what I know now... So, if you have tried, honestly tried at a relationship and still feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall, let go and walk away. You will be glad that you did.
One Final Thought
Okay, it’s Dave, again. Now do you see why I call her a superstar?!? You should SEE the changes in her now. When I met her, she was very tight and closed up...today she is feminine, flowing and beautiful. That’s what attracted her man “in months.” I’ll bet you can hear it in her writing, too.
Let me ask you a question. Do you know how hunters trap monkeys in the wild? They fill small holes in trees with fruit and nuts. When the monkey reaches in to grab his prize, his clenched fist no longer fits through the hole...and rather than let go of what he has “in hand”...the monkey stays trapped...fatally. Humans and monkeys have a great deal in common. Jen was absolutely right...when you finally let go of something that’s not working...you’re now open to accepting something far better.
Here’s wishing you an amazing new year full of love and gratitude!
Dave Elliott is A Relationship Coach and the founder of Legendary Love For Life. Check out his site at www.legendaryloveforlife.com